Jaws
Jaws is the sixth episode of The Irate Gamer. The long list of doublethink commited by The Irate Gamer can be seen here Summary Chris Bores attempts to play a game involving a creature who eats just as much as he does. Chris demonstrates his superior morality by repeatedly deviating off topic, killing endangered animals, and then spilling oil into the ocean (also killing dogs and leaving a girl to die). Attentive viewers will note that Chris can't get a single historical fact correct as he rages against the machine that is his formulatic stupidity. Man and Beast engage in mortal combat in this episode of the Irate Gamer show. Who will surivive? All we know is that who ever wins, the audience will be 'bored'. High Detail Plot Summary The Irate Gamer is first seen reading nintendo power on the beach, it is unknown if Irate Gamer is looking at the images or actually reading the text as he stares straight at the magazine and his gaze looks more of ravenous hunger than educational reading. Irate Gamer hears a scream and finds the Jaws cartridge in the sand. Irate Gamer leaves with the cartridge possibly leaving a poor lady to be murdered or to drown. Irate Gamer states that “'This Great White Shark ruled the ocean in the early 80s” despite the fact that Jaws was a 70s franchise and died off during the late 80s. Irate Gamer states that jaws' has attitude, and the ability to sink boats and dozens of people" despite the fact that people cannot be sunk and Jaws demonstrated little attitute over the course of the movies. He then states that “This game should be placed at the bottom of a turd mountain!" while showing a picture of turd overlapping the cartridge, no doubt the daily byproduct from his oral cavities. Irate Gamer states that its time to batten the hatches and full steam ahead to the sea captain action figure of simpsons once again symbolizing Irate Gamer's forever alone tendencies. A random encounter is intiated stating that he's hit something and his character drops down into the ocean with a harpoon gun. Irate Gamer claims that he didn't hit anything even though its clear he hit the jellyfish and stingrays. Irate Gamer then flips off his NES, the NES in turn shows that its the better man by not dignifying Irate Gamer's challenge. Irate Gamer does not kill any of the fish or stingrays for shells and stars despite the fact that the game expects him to do this. He points out that you die in one hit upon touching any enemy a feature in 90% of the games he's played "over a dozen times" and knows all the "ins and outs of". Irate gamer attempts to dock at a marina but gets rejected because he needs shells to park. Irate Gamer states “'Is this supposed to be a marina, or a hooker?'” demonstrating that he has no concepts about paying for parking space and his disdain at not being able to pay for a hooker with seashells and instead must use the real money which he doesn't have (and may have spent funding a ghost hunting movie). Irate Gamer states that the game is boring which is quite the achievement since boring is a relative word. He states that fishing is just as boring but to the level he is capable of. Irate Gamer talks about classic and best fishing game 'The black bass' on the NES. He is unable to catch any fish because he lacks the capacity for it. Because he cannot catch any fish, Irate Gamer states that the game sucks and that people should do real fishing. Irate Gamer is probably really bad at real fishing so he would hate that too. Irate Cuts off this filler section by going back to talk about Jaws. Irate Gamer goes off to a marina, this time with shells, and receives a reciever to detect jaws. Irate Gamer points out that the receiver is useless since Jaws appears regularly and its not like the reciever is there to help notify you that jaws is there. Irate Gamer states that you should have the option to skip encounters because he doesn't like dying. Irate Gamer states that in silent service you can choose to avoid encounters despite the fact that there is no level up system in silent service while there is one in Jaws. Irate Gamer states that Silent Service "is the best submarine game out there" despite the fact that was a very narrow superlative and its considered one of the worst ports in the history of the NES. It is likely that Irate Gamer finds the title funny since it has the word service, which Irate Gamer naturally assumes has to do with the product of a hooker. Irate Gamer meets up with the titular shark and notes that the shark looks wimpy. Irate Gamer has no moral issues killing things that are wimpier than him so Irate Gamer head on attacks the shark. A smaller shark shows up and Irate Gamer manuevers his diver directly into the shark so that they collide. His diver does not die, allowing for Irate Gamer to demonstrate to his audience that he is infact cheating on an incrediably easy game. Irate Gamer kills the smaller shark and his climatic battle with Jaws is interupted with a mini-game. Irate Gamer does not point out that the smaller shark can appear during any underwater sequence in the game. Irate Gamer empties Jaw's life meter and enters the first person mode in which he must ram the boat's mast into the shark. After 50 attempts, Irate Gamer successfully kills Jaws and announces that "This is for Jaws 2, and Jaws 3, and Superman IV! Whoops, got carried away there.” once again not realizing that this based off the fourth movie of the jaws franchise. He ends the review stating that “'The ocean is safe, until an Exxon tanker shows up'”and an oil tank promptly crashes and unloads its oil into the ocean. Irate Gamer does not realize he forgot to add humor to aforementioned quote. And it should also be noted that Chris intentionally crashed an oil tanker into the ocean to satisfy his own need to be entertained. Irate Gamer states that he is to go outside and bury the game and does just that by throwing the cartridge into some bushes. Irate Gamer did not decide to dig an actual hole because just like with real fishing, he would most likely point the shovel the wrong way and injure himself. The Duck Hunt dog attempts to return the cartridge but Irate Gamer demonstrates his moral superiority by shooting and killing an entity which he has only just met and of which was trying to help him because its clearly weaker than he is. Notable Flubs *0:33 - "That's right. It's Jawls." *0:35 - "This famous greatwhite shark ruled the oceans in tha urly 80's." *1:00 - "But we all know it's to look for Jawls." Trivia *This is the first time in which the Irate Gamer show uses an intro. The intro does not feature the public domain music track is only 7 seconds long and instead features the irate gamer logo *At the end Irate Gamer writes “Dedicated to the Duck Hunt fans that wanted to kill that damn dog!”. In order to allow the majority of his fan base to understand he was in fact referencing a game they most likely have never played. *This is one of the episodes where his Ohio accent is notably heavy, for example pronouncing "Jaws" as "Jawls". External links *Jaws at Wikipedia *Internet Movie Database Video Category:The Irate Gamer episodes Category:The Irate Gamer season 1 episodes